can’t really concentrate on re-doing my project at the moment. feeling the need to empty out instead. writer’s block in that sense…? hahh. idk.
wow. time really does fly. semester’s practically over with finals seriously around the corner. soon enough going home. bumming most of the time while trying to be productive. summer school -.- and then before i know it the next semester again!
as i’ve reached the end of the year i actually find myself really wishing it wasn’t time yet. not that i didn’t feel this before, but it feels stronger than before..? not sure how that happened and when. this year was an interesting year. different from the others, although each year is different in general.
there’s much that i will miss and much that i’m happy to let go of. also much that has been learned, yet much has been started too that might be what is contributing to the whole i-don’t-want-it-to-be-over-yet feeling.
i don’t like this. being confused about being confused. whether this is real or something else or just me.
so frustrating. my heart isn’t prepared for this.
- Hebrews 5:7
Talk about good timing…only major difference is Jesus is doing the next step. God’s word can be so humbling at times.
thank you God.
i miss my car…
i wanna drive to the beach, to breathe again..
i have failed and hurt more than i realized…
even reading that first sentence i feel like i have looked at myself for too long and therefore neglected you more than i thought. you’ve been hurting this whole week and i wasn’t there…physically and…just there. i’m sorry dear friend although sorry doesn’t cut it. though we’ve talked, it is still weird and not fully the same. not sure if it can be exactly the same as before, but i do wish we could be stronger together. i do care about you….maybe too much maybe because i’m too close. maybe we need time but i don’t want to give space if that’s not what’s going to help, especially now.
but it’s already obvious i have failed you. and still i remain the same. stubborn, judgmental (last night), still holding on to my own feelings and overlooking yours. though this whole thing hurts in so many ways, i am thankful that i now see how much i need to be humbled and what needs to be broken and cleaned out of me. but damn, i feel disgusted. i didn’t think this was in me. but sin is sin. and sin is scary…i’m learning and seeing.
i’m sorry that i broke down a lot in you. a time like this when you needed someone i stopped being someone you could turn to. i wish i wasn’t so selfish.
i pray we would be able to overcome this. i would be able to overcome me too.
this is gonna take longer than i think i can stand..
But God YOU are so much more greater and stronger than i could ever be… i’m holding on to You
“Forgiveness is me giving up my right to hurt you for hurting me.”
Only God knows the real condition of one’s heart. Why things happen? I don’t really know. But I’ve came to the conclusion that everything happens for a reason and in the end, the choice is YOURS.
They say life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it. It’s always been in my heart to forgive someone who has hurt me, because God calls us to forgive. I mean, God forgave me right?
Just a small ramble tonight. No drama, just progress.
<3 Jeremy Passion
My heart breaks…but let it be only for the right one.
What an interesting week. Another interesting way to end my night but I think I’m learning to appreciate these little surprises from God.
My heart has been breaking in some ways too lately.. But for the good I’m realizing and trying to remember.
Let’s say I don’t want to settle… let’s say this isn’t enough for me… let’s say I don’t want to be some Christian. What if I wanted it all to mean something, what if God was more than just worth it… would I have lived today any different?